Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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