He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
