I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Randomize
