I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
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