By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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