am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
