I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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