dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
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