I love watching others lives come down to our level.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Randomize
