Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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