it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Randomize
