and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
