I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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