I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
