she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
