If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
