I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
