Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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