So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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