Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
