I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
