I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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