and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
