Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
