Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
