I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
