I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
