What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
now i know why i became what i already was.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
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We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
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There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize