You're completely useless in the revolution.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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