took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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