I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
