Your dad touched me again.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
