Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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