im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
