I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
