D3 body, D1 cock
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
