Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
They took my balls.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
