I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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