she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
