I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
