No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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