He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
should my penis look like a turkey
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
