i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
