Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
