gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
