she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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