Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
