I want to have your abortion
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
