I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
is that a dick in a sweater?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
