Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Randomize
