but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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