I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
