I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
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I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
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I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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