If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
