Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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