A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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