Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
