The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
He better not be in your backpack
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
