Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Randomize
