idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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