I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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