Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
