what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
