I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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