hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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