I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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