I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
is it fun? or sober?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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