Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
