dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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