i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
