apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
