After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
