how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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