i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
