She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
