Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I need to sanitize my soul.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Randomize
