My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Boobs are out for the taking
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Randomize
