Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Randomize
