Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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