I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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