i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
