apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
