There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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