sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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