Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
